Friday, July 27, 2012

Confession #10 - Girl I've Gotta Vent! I don't do Confrontations

Good girlfriends are the best and sometimes hard to find!  But when you do, they are priceless.  These are the gals ya' call up and cry, "Girl I've gotta vent!".  They're the ladies that you meet at Starbucks once a week for a chat, the ladies who's kids you set up play dates with so you can have a date with them too.  They're sometimes even the girl that lives far away that you can't go a week without a phone call to.  I love my girlfriends, and frankly I wouldn't want to do life without them.  But what do you do when a friend, a good friend hurts you over and over again?  Let me preface the rest of my confession by explaining that I don't consider myself a hypersensitive person.  Things do not easily bother me, but hurting people, hurt people and since most of us have hurts in our pasts then well, you know...

See, I've had issues with friends in my past; ladies that frankly aren't my friends any longer.  Why?  Because the constant pain these so-called "friendships" caused me was continual.  I think in some cases the friendship could have been salvaged, but unfortunately, I have a real problem coming clean with others when they hurt me.  I don't communicate well when someone does or says something unkind or judgemental.  I fail to be honest, because I don't know how to deal with confrontation and because I am afraid of hurting their feelings.  What ends up happening is that the issues build until I can't take it any longer and then either I blow or quietly bow out. 

I once confessed this to a new girlfriend of mine and it nearly scared her out of her pants.  She thought she was at risk to be sent packing.  I reassured her that was not the case with our friendship.  But recently I've been thinking about my issues with confrontation and have became nervous that if I were put in a position of continual pain and discomfort, that I might find myself doing it again; blowing up or sending someone packing.  I really need help to learn how to tell others how I feel without risking the friendship because I never want to loose any of my precious girlfriends again. 

I can easily forgive many small grievances, but built up over a long period of time, not so easy.  Then I worry, am I really forgiving or am I just suppressing my anger?  Hummm, maybe another blog topic.  Let's get back on track.  God's word is clear when you have an issue with someone you are to go to them to work it out.  I believe God's word is true and relevant to us today so He isn't just talking about a dispute over land or an animal, He's also talking about a gal pal that hurt your feelings.  I also know that God wants all sin brought to light because once we allow issues to fester they really start to stink!  But as women we can be really sensitive, and it requires a very gentle touch, one that I have yet to master. 

"Dear Lord, I need boldness covered in grace, mercy, and  most of all love in order to confront those who may hurt me.  Let me never find myself dismissing good people from my life again because I failed to deal with issues your way.  Teach my non-confrontational sisters to do the same, before us hurting people, hurt more people."  AMEN!

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