Sunday, August 12, 2012

Confession #18 - This is the stuff that drives me crazy

In July our air conditioning broke, living in South Florida there's no option, we had to repair it.  About a month ago the outside handle on the passenger door of my  car broke off.  Our fourteen year old dog has health issues are piling up along with the vet bills.  A few weeks ago my car suffered a blow out on the highway resulting in replacing the two rear tires, and the next day my husband ran over a curb making it necessary to replace the two front tires.  Three days ago the inside handle on the passenger door of my car broke off so now unless you're Bo or Luke Duke your not getting in or out of that side.  And on Thursday our air conditioner broke again!  That morning I found myself listening to Francesca Battistelli:

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
Might not be what I would choose
But this the stuff You use

The summertime is my least favorite time of the year.  In our industry work comes to a near standstill and life gets stressful.  No matter how much I seem to save by the end of the summer it's all gone.  Summer after summer we struggle to pay our bills.  And it never seems to fail that during the summer we somehow encounter expenses we never planned on.  This is the stuff that drive me crazy!   

When the recession hit and neighbor after neighbor was loosing their homes, and nothing promising was being broadcast on the the news, I found myself lying awake at night terrorized by the notion that we were next.  I would plead with God,  "Please don't let us loose our house, please Lord, please!"  But not matter how much I pleaded there was no peace.  Sleep became a thing of the past, because terror reigned.  I was certain that the risk of foreclosure was inevitable and that we would loose everything very soon.  Yet, well, here we are in the same home for 13 years now never having missed one payment, not one! 

I cannot explain why or how but one day I became so tired and weary I just decided to let it all go.  I said to God, "Look, if you choose to allow this house to be taken from me, than so be it!  It's just a "thing".  I don't love the house, I love you, and I trust you God no matter what, I trust you. May your will be done, not mine."  The next day I did the same and each day that I felt myself holding onto things instead of clinging to God, I would offer my "stuff" back to Him.  And you know what?  Each and every time I gave him control over my life & my stuff, my faith grew, and my God grew. 

His will was for me to trust Him.  He was using the risk of losing my stuff as an opportunity to gain and grow my faith and to show me just how blessed I really am.  He is always faithful.  As I said we have never missed one mortgage payment.  We have never had a car repossessed.  With some help we have been able to put food on our table because somehow God has always provided. 

Matt 6:23-34 tells us not to worry, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I wish I could tell you that we may never loose our home to foreclosure, but that may not be how things go.  However, I can tell you that God is good all the time and all the time God is good.  If He chooses to continue to bless us with this home or choose to take it from us, I trust that, "(I) know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romas 8:28

So as one of the most expensive summers of my life comes to a close I can honestly say, "Thank you Lord for all the blessing you have bestowed upon my life and God I have faith, that you will continue to meet our needs." AMEN!

Whatever is driving you crazy, give it to God and let Him use it to build your faith and to show you just how much you are blessed!


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