Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Confession #36 - That Ugly Green-Eyed Monster

Boy lately I've been feeling really sorry for myself.  More than that I've been entertaining that ugly green-eyed monster, jealousy.  The thoughts that have invaded my mind are, "Why can they succeed an not me?  Why do I have to struggle so hard?  I'm a good Christian and they follow the way of the world.  This stinks.  Life isn't fair!  It just isn't fair!"  Can you hear that teeny tiny violin playing my heart bleeds for you?  The radio station in my mind that I've been subscribing to this last week plays it over and over and over. 

I'm spilling the beans because frankly, I'm seriously convicted.  I know that what I'm actually doing is failing to trust God.  I'm failing to remember that He will give me victory through prayer in the areas of my life that others seem to come by naturally or have a benefactor to run and assist them when they need it.  They may have human benefactors, but what I'm forgetting is that I have God for my benefactor.  Humans have limitations, and God has no limitations. 

King David before he was crowned King spent many years of his life running from King Saul who wanted him executed.  King Saul had everything that King David would have, fame, fortune, success but in his heart King Saul was wicked.  He turned from God to serve himself and follow soothsayers and the like.  David on the other hand was trapped in the wilderness, hiding in caves.  As exampled by many of the psalms David wrote, most of the time he was tormented by his circumstances and would cry out to God in agony.  This has been my lately, tormented by my struggles in life, watching others succeed in their wicked ways.  However, as I was searching through the Psalms I came across this verse, "He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." Psalm 37:6-8.

That ugly green-eyed monster is only leading me to evil.  God was preparing David to be King and the adversity he faced during his "cave days" is what God was using to mold him into the King he wanted him to be; a man after God's own heart.  David learned to rely solely upon the joy, and rest, and peace that came from God rather than his struggles.  James 1:1-3 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

It's time for me to kill off the ugly green-eyed monster dwelling in my heart and give way to knowing and trusting that God has a purpose and a plan for my life and that during this struggle he is preparing me for a better tomorrow.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I am sorry for feeling jealous of others who manage to succeed where I struggle.  I'm sorry for feeling sorry for myself when others are handed things that I have to work hard to earn.  I thank you for the trials I face because I know you are working on me through them and producing the woman you want me to be.  And Dear Lord, for my sisters-in-Christ who have been living with their own ugly green-eyed monsters I pray that you will reveal to them just how ugly it is to be jealous."  In Jesus Name AMEN.


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