Monday, March 4, 2013

Confession #41 - "The Bank Debacle"

The Bank Debacle, sounds like a title to a Nancy Drew mystery, doesn't it?  But it truly was a debacle.  One of my most "dirtiest" moments as of late.  Oh yes, when the bible says, "...anger resides in the lap of fools."  (Ecc 7:9) it's not kidding because I made an utter and complete fool out of myself because of anger. 

Long story short, because of a few bounced checks (for which there was a reasonable explanation) the bank's computer placed a hold on all our deposits but failed to notify us.  I only found out because my mortgage check bounced.  In my conversation with the bank on the phone, I didn't feel as if there was any resolution, so I sent my husband to work it out with the branch manager.  My husband called me at work to explain to me the resolution, but that was not to my satisfaction so I requested that he put me on the phone with the manager.  Sensing my level of anger, the manager,  refused to speak with me so I told my husband to prepare him for my arrival.  I left work and drove straight to the bank.  I was met outside by my husband who pleaded with me to calm down to which I replied with a threat of throwing him into the plate glass window if he didn't get out of my way.  Almost 40 minutes later the branch manager and I had gotten nowhere because I was too angry to listen and every word out the man's mouth I took offensively. 

I couldn't possibly hear him, I was in a rage.  If I had only listened to my husband on the phone, I would have realized that the situation had actually been resolved amicably.  But no this fool had a lap of anger that she needed to let go of.  Now I'm sure I have a reputation with the folks at my bank, with whom I've done business with for the last 14 years.

Needless to say that I am remorseful but that won't take away my actions or my words.  It will forever leave me in the minds of it's victims as, well, a fool.

This isn't my first trip down Fool Lane, I've visited that street before my friends.  I consider myself a fairly open and honest person, so I when I say I don't consider myself an angry person or someone who continually struggles with anger I'm telling the truth, but when pushed I will take an immediate left turn onto Fool Lane.

Here's another such example.  It was the end of my 8th grade year.  I had endured  three years of continual bulling from April, Michelle, and Candy.  They made of fun of what I wore, how I looked, how I styled my hair, how I spoke and how I walked.  Not that I didn't have a good reason to be angry, but in this case, my anger built and built and built and finally I couldn't take anymore and I went crying to my friend Becky about it.  Becky who was a few years older than I, and never one to put up with such a thing empowered me to take a stand and face up to these "Mean girls". 

So there I went, down the block to the apartment complex where they lived.  April was sitting on her front stoop as she usually did.  I needed more support so I knocked on the door of my best friend Debbie who lived in the same complex.  Debbie came out with her sister Lori and listened as I yelled at April and Michelle inviting them into a physical confrontation.  I didn't get so much as a word back.  April sat there stoic and Michelle only came out of her apartment because she wanted to see what all the noise was about.  But neither of them moved.  I screamed louder and louder more and more angry trying to get a response, and NOTHING!  Finally, when April responded, I turned around to confront her with all my energy forgetting that I was leaning against a metal pole. 

Yes, you guessed it, I plowed smack dab into that pole with such force that I knocked myself out and slide down the pole and the force of the blow left me with one big beautiful shiner.  Yup ladies it was a fine moment for this angry fool.  Looking back, I wish this was a lesson learned but as you know I seem to find my way to Fool Lane every now and again.

I am praying that the memory of my foolish actions teach me to control my anger.  Anger is not a bad thing, God gave us this emotion so that we can change bad things to good.  So that we could be empowered to take a righteous stand against evil.  Psalm 145:8 says, "The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love."  And when God does get angry, His anger is righteous, however, when we use anger in any other way we are simply compromising our witness and that just grieves the Holy Spirit.  It's sin.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says, "In your anger do not sin” Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold."

The devil lives on Fool Lane and the only way to get there is in a little red Corvette named anger.  I'm praying to steer clear of his favorite street, will you pray with me?

"Dear Heavenly Father, please forgive me for my foolish display of anger.  Forgive me for not being self-controlled and leaning on you when I'm scared and hurt.  Father give me the strength and the consciousness to seek you first before I respond in anger.  Please help to keep me from sinning in my anger and let me see the situation as you would.  And patient Father for my sisters-in-Christ who struggle with anger of their own, help them steer clear of Fool Lane and redirect them to Righteous Road.  In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN"

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