Thursday, July 25, 2013

Confession #55 - A Piece of Me

You know, there's just not enough of me to go around.  Now I realize that sounds pretty narcissistic but everyone and everything in my life seems to need a piece of me.  Some goes to God, and some to my husband, daughter, and dog.  Some to my sister, mother and the rest of my family.  Some to my friends and some to my boss and coworkers, some to those whom I minister to, some to my neighbors, some to laundry and housecleaning and the list goes on and on.  I guess is a good thing I'm overweight because there'd be even less to go around.:)

Sisters I know I'm not alone here, I'm sure many of you feel the same way.  Normally I'm pretty willing to give up pieces of myself to whomever or whatever needs a chunk but there are times that I feel so utterly drained.  Consumed by exhaustion with no more pieces left to give and particularly nothing left for me.

Tonight is one of those times.  After a rather busy day at work all I longed to do was to plop down and rest.  Instead I came home to a business issue that needed my immediate attention. I had to log on the computer to research the matter but it was taking soooooo long to launch the Internet!  It took almost 10 minutes!  Then I got a rather frustrating call and after I got off the phone I ended up screaming at the top of my lungs out of sheer and utter frustration!  Can't anything be easy!  That's one of my go to sayings.  I know because I've heard my daughter repeat it when she's frustrated. LOL.

Even now, after I've put her to bed, she's called out for me several times to say that her butt itches. Seriously, every tiny little thing that she experiences requires a piece of me?  Then the phone rings, hubby says he's on the way home.  Great, but do I really need to stay on the phone with him for his entire hour long drive home?  I need a little me time....

I feel so incredibly guilty admitting this.  I love my family, and I don't want to miss out on any experience my daughter has, well I guess I can do without the itchy butt, LOL, but I'm just exhausted.  Life right now is a fast track and if I don't slow down and take some time for me, just me, I'm going to freaking collapse!

That said I'm reminded of God's word, "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matt 11:28  Oh yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord, AMEN!  God doesn't want us to be over burned at all.  Last night in a conversation with a very good friend and mentor she reminded me of what BUSY stands for.  Being Under Satan's Yoke.  WOW!  I realized that's just it, I'm so busy handing out pieces of myself that I've allowed myself to become so weary and so burdened that I have nothing left to give, even to God.

This is not the life God has in mind for me.  He wants me to be productive, but not over-stressed and busy.  Busyness keeps us from focusing on Him and allows our emotions to get the better of us.

God for months and months has been telling me to clear off my plate.  But have I obeyed?  No.  I've avoided making difficult choices and in doing so I've been disobedient to God.  Today I'm praying that God will show me what to clear off my plate so I can return to normal and have some pieces left for Him and for me.  If your life looks similar to mine won't you pray with me?

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you Lord that you have given me so much to fill my life.  But I know it is not your desire for me to be burned or weary. Give me a clear picture of what I should clean off so that I can find rest Dear Father and return my focus to you.  Help me to see clearly to whom and to what you want me to hand my pieces off to.  Give me your strength to get through the crazy days without getting emotional.  And let me erase Busy from my life and break Satan's yoke once and for all.  And precious Father, for my sisters-in-Christ who struggle with busyness of their own, please help them find the rest they need as well.  In Jesus' name I pray.  AMEN

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