But sadly today's post is not about this man; not really. Unfortunately, it's about me. It's a confession I feel compelled to make one of which results in many apologies. The problem is my mouth, well, actually my heart. "For out of the fullness (the overflow, the superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks" Matthew 12:34. Because my ego was seriously wounded, anger and hatred rose up; a decision I freely made because we all know that I didn't have to entertain those feelings. As a result I justified my foul mouthed words and evil thoughts. What's worse is that I was almost became unaware that I was doing so until my friend brought it to my attention.
I certainly cannot consider myself a woman of God by using bad language and thinking such things. I won't garner respect and validity in the Christian community with such a mouth. So why am I taking such a huge risk to my ministry by admitting this? Because I am seeking true repentance. First let me say to my husband and my friend I am so sorry for loosing my self-control and blurting out the nasty words and ideas. I know that I am entitled to my anger, but I am not entitled to be saying these things. Regardless of where I grew up and what I grew up with, there is little to no excuse. I know better. I am a woman of God and this not acceptable behavior. The Bible says, "Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips." Ecc 10:12. Anger has caused so many of my slip-ups in life but I thought had moved past them, sadly I was wrong and I must admit I've yet to conquer the fool in my tongue. Secondly I apologize to you, my dear friends and readers. You have trusted me to bring you a Christian witness and biblical guidance and this recent display betrays that trust.
"8 And the word of the Lord came again to Zechariah: 9 “This is what the Lord Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. 10 Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.’Want God to listen when you call out to Him? Then you must obey His word! Then God gave me these verses in Zechariah 8:16-17, 19:
11 “But they refused to pay attention; stubbornly they turned their backs and covered their ears. 12 They made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words that the Lord Almighty had sent by his Spirit through the earlier prophets. So the Lord Almighty was very angry.
13 “‘When I called, they did not listen; so when they called, I would not listen,’ says the Lord Almighty. 14 ‘I scattered them with a whirlwind among all the nations, where they were strangers. The land they left behind them was so desolate that no one traveled through it.This is how they made the pleasant land desolate.’”
"16 These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; 17 do not plot evil against each other, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this,” declares the Lord...19 This is what the Lord Almighty says: “...Therefore love truth and peace.”
Ladies, I pray you don't share in my mouth issue, but if you do I will be praying for you. Obviously it isn't what the Lord wants from us, and no one wants to be around a foul mouthed fool. Please pray for me too, that I may stay in God's will for my life and keep my tongue in check. The Bible says about nine times that the Lord is abounding in love and slow to anger. I believe it's because He wants us to do the same. He also doesn't want us to beat ourselves up for our sins. But it doesn't mean we can continue in them either.
Dear Heavenly Father, Lord thank you that your word says you are slow to anger abounding in love. Lord please forgive me for my foul mouth. Allow me to be self-controlled abounding in love toward others even when they hurt me. I forgive my neighbor for his hate-filled words and I ask that you do the same. Lord I ask for forgiveness from my Christian sisters around the world for my behavior as well and I pray Lord for those who suffer from the same sin to be convicted and changed. In Jesus' precious name I pray. AMEN.