Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Confession #70 - Deep Down

Before I met my husband, I was such a different person.  I was so staunch and proper and I didn't realize I had a fun side and never could I laugh at myself.  Basically, I was so afraid of how people saw me that I kept myself in a box.  I didn't allow my personality to flourish and take shape.  I spend the first 20 years of my life trying to please everyone instead of just being myself.  I couldn't let my hair down and God forbid allow anyone see how broken and messy I really was.

That began to change when I met Vincent Cuchel.  Vince was the most down to earth person I had ever been with.  He could make me laugh at things I'd never let anyone think I found funny.  He gave me the courage to let down my guard and see who I could really be.  That's when I realized I was in love and 24 plus years later, I still am.

One of the most important things I've learned is that being in love isn't just how you feel about another person, it's also about how you feel about yourself when you're with them.  With Vince, I've been able to truly be myself.  I've learned to let my hair down and not to take myself so seriously.  I learned I could tell him just about anything and he still seemed to love me, I could let him into some of my deep down places and he was willing to bring a flashlight to help me clean it out.

After I fell in love with Jesus, I began to change even more.  But for a long time I kept God in a box of sorts.  I kept Him at this level of reverence and respect, and forgot that He's also my Heavenly Daddy; the one who loves me above all.  Eventually I came to understand that the more I get to know the true nature of God, the more I am able to let my hair down with Him too.  That must sound silly, I mean, God knows me better than I know myself.  After all, He created me.

God knows the deep down stuff inside of us, the things we don't want to admit to, the really dirty, dirty stuff.  Many of us keep these things hidden deep down and don't even talk to God about them.  We know He knows, so why  should we talk to Him about it? Because it gives us a freedom we've never known, it creates a deeper intimacy with God and most of all it changes us into the people we were meant to be.  Just as my relationship with my husband brought out the more fun-loving side of me.  Jeremiah 23:24 says, "Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. “Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord."

I pray you don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that God loves you for who you can be.  The bottom line is that God loves you period.  Not who you can be, not who your going to be, not who you wish you were, He loves you, the entire, broken, sinful, dirty you.   Psalm 139: 13-15 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth."  If He didn't, Jesus would not have died for our sins.

Beth Moore illustrated this point really well.  I recently did one of her studies, "Sacred Secrets" and I just loved the truth Beth shared with us.  She said (paraphrasing):
It's so interesting that science hasn't yet come up with a way to tell people the exact moment when a woman is pregnant.  You have to wait.  But what's so cool about that is that in that time frame before the positive result is able to show on the pregnancy test, the only one who knows you even exist is God.   You're His intimate secret.  
How amazing is that?  You are God's secret, He keeps you a secret just waiting to tell everyone about YOU.  Our lives are never a mistake!  He made you with a purpose and has a plan for your life,"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11.  He just wants you to let Him get deep down in there.  Allow Him to teach you to be yourself and let your hair down so he can fulfill His purposes for you.  Likewise, let yourself love God, love Him to the point that you feel better about yourself when you're with Him.

Listen, if you've been praying for a breakthrough and hoping for a deeper relationship with God, but are not willing to let Him into your deep down places then you're blocking a blessing.  Until we really learn to grab that truth and let Him get deep down we are missing so much!  John 10:27 says, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."  He knows us, we've already established that fact, but we have to know Him, we have to be able to recognize His voice and if we're not listening and letting Him inside, deep down, we may not recognize it.  But the Bible warns us, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock."  Matthew 7:21-24.  When we know God's voice we can discover His will for us and then are able to put His words into practice which transforms us into the person He created us to be.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you Lord that I've learned how to let you into my deep down places.  Thank you that I can be myself with you.  Lord I pray that through the process of allowing you to clean out my dirtiness and shine your light in my dark spots you will continue to reveal your plan and purposes for my life.  Lord for my sisters-in-Christ I pray that they too will allow you into a deep and intimate relationship with  you.  They will face those deep down places with you and that you will show them your will for their lives and just how much you love them.  In Jesus' name I pray.  AMEN.

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